I first heard about the book The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman while at my friend’s bachelorette party a few years ago in Florida. One of her best friends mentioned it over drinks one night and swore it changed her relationship for the better.
She went on to talk about how it’s a love handbook based on the theory that everyone has a different primary love language—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
I thought about the book during a flight back to New York for like a second, but as the day went on, it drifted to the back of my mind. It wasn’t until recently that I finally read the book when it was brought up at a work meeting on the topic of words of affirmation gifts.
The Five Love Languages highlights a common issue between couples: the communication barrier.
Since everyone expresses love differently, it can be typical to not properly express to someone how much you care. Maybe you’re constantly cooking or cleaning the house to show your significant other your love (acts of service) but they wish you would dedicate more time to spend together (quality time) or vice versa.
So, how do you find your love language? There are a few ways…
- Examine your childhood on how your parents expressed love to you. Your upbringing may have made an impact on the way you perceive love.
- Think about your first instinct to show love to someone else.
- Reflect on how you may have been hurt in the past and the reason why.
- Or take the quiz here to find out.
Then, ask your partner to do the same so you both know each other’s love language.
If you consistently speak in your partner’s love language or as Dr. Chapman says, fill their “love tanks”, then it can truly strengthen your relationship over time.
Inspired by the book, we’ve put together a guide on how to find a fitting gift for your girlfriend or wife. These fortune-holding jewelry pieces—from meaningful necklaces to meaningful bracelets—relate to each love language and many can be filled with short love quotes.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
You don’t have to be a good writer to express feelings to your significant other if her love language is words of affirmation. Just say something positive from your heart and you can’t go wrong. The most honest and vulnerable you are, the more she’s likely to appreciate your words.
“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world through your spouse’s perspective,” says Dr. Chapman in the book. Think about how your partner feels and what she would value hearing from you.
Compliments are key, which you can say out loud or write in a text, letter, or Post-It note on the mirror where she gets ready every morning. And it’s not just the words themselves, but the tone that you use, which can be just as important.
When choosing words of affirmation gifts, consider something like our Fortune Frame, which allows a message of your choosing to be front and center.
Thinking about what note to place inside? Try…
- "Thank you for always being there for me.”
- “I love you to the moon and back.”
- "Thinking of you makes me smile.”
- “I believe in you.”
- “No matter what, we will get through this together.”
- “You are the light that lets me see forward.”
- “I admire the way you ________.”
The 5 Love Languages is sprinkled with real-life examples throughout, like Chapters 4 and 5 on Andrea and Mark.
It was only after a series of trial and error before the couple could learn to speak each other’s love languages, which was quality time for Andrea and words of affirmation for Mark who, at one point, spent most of his hours at work.
Andrea started consistently expressing positive words to her husband which made a difference but only halfway. It wasn’t until after Mark adjusted his schedule to spend more time together that saved their marriage. It’s easy to give love to someone in the way you prefer to receive love, but the key here is to compromise.
If your significant other is keen on spending quality time together, the best gift is to give her your undivided attention. Likely, it doesn’t matter where you are, as long as you’re in each other’s company. Be present in the moment, make eye contact, and have a thoughtful convo. There’s nothing like good old one on one time.
To let her know how much you enjoy spending quality time together, gift her something like our Heart + Arrow Bracelet that she can wear often and think of the memories you share. Add a personal note (or one of the quotes below) inside for a fitting touch.
- “Time with you is time well spent.”
- “I love every minute that we are together.”
- “Time isn't the main thing. It's the only thing.” —Miles Davis
- “There’s only one thing more precious than our time and that’s who we spend it on.” —Leo Christopher
- “My best memories are the ones we make together.”
- “Presence in the best present.”
“Visual symbols of love are more important to some people than others,” Dr. Chapman notes.
Someone who has receiving gifts as their love language doesn’t necessarily mean they are materialistic, it likely means they care about the thought behind gifts, regardless of their price. Gifts can express love in a way that is different than words of affirmation and quality time. It shows the effort it took in selecting an item just for them.
If you’re looking for a gift for someone of this type, consider our Sphere Secret Ring, which appears to be a cocktail ring and opens up to reveal a secret stroll.
Add a thoughtful note inside, like…
- “Love is a gift you can give every day.”
- “You always gain by giving love.” —Reese Witherspoon
- “Ask. Trust. Give thanks.” —Dawn Gluskin
- “The past is your lesson, the present is your gift, and the future is your motivation.”
- “One day you’ll look back at right now and say, "If I got through that, I can get through anything." And that will truly be a gift.”
- “I am fortunate to have you in my life.”
ACTS OF SERVICE
If the person you love is into acts of service, something as simple as doing the laundry or taking out the trash can mean so much more. To some, these seemingly small chores show that action can speak louder than words. Maybe you’ve already done all the things from picking up the groceries, cooked a homemade meal, cleaned the car, tidied up the living room, but want to take it to the next level to show appreciation to your S.O.
Although the topic of gifts falls into the other love language, it can also be considered a form of acts of service. It shows that you’ve taken the time and consideration to do something to make her happy and make her life easier. If she’s been talking about doing something for a while and hasn’t gotten around to it yet, perhaps surprise her by picking up the task. Like, if she’s been on the lookout for a pair of silver studs after she lost her favorite ones, get her something different yet similar. Our Fortune Cookie Earrings are an alternative to a diamond or pearl pair that matches any outfit and can be a fun conversation starter.
What message would you fill inside this Heart + Arrow Locket?Of the five senses, physical touch is another way of communicating emotional love. Maybe your partner feels valued when you hold hands, cuddle, and kiss. Literally being close to someone can exude love in a powerful way. This can be especially hard for long-distance couples who are far apart and see each other sparingly.
If you know physical touch is your partner’s love language, you can create your own opportunities to show affection throughout the day—even small touches like playing footsies under the table can go a long way.
Gift-wise, our Heart + Arrow Locket can hold a message relating to physical touch. This can be a thoughtful gesture for a holiday or just because.
Fill it with a note such as…
- “My favorite place in the world? In your arms.”
- “The thought of our first kiss always makes me smile.”
- “Sending the biggest hug your way.”
- “There will always be room for your hand in mine.”
- “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” —Audrey Hepburn
In a way, I wonder how my perception of love would have been different if I had read The Five Love Languages years ago. But like all the examples given in the book, it’s never too late to better a relationship.
“What amazed me at the seminar today was the way your lecture on love languages carried me back all these years to that experience. You said in twenty minutes what took us six months to learn,” says Joe, who, with his wife Maria, is featured in Chapter 8. Dr. Chapman noted, “It’s not how fast you learn it but how well you learn it that matters.”
Overall, love is a choice. Your partner’s love language may not come easy to you (and again, vice versa), but if you’re both willing to make an effort, it can be a real game-changer.
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